Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Drunk

This is a sad, gruesome story, but I can't help but wonder: How drunk to you have to be not to notice that you just decapitated your friend when you ran into that support cable? Drunk enough to drive 12 miles home and go to bed without changing out of your bloody clothes. Very, very sad.

Calling the Fashion Police

The Cincinnati Mills mall, which just opened, is throwing out people who are wearing the wrong clothes or gathering in groups of three or more. While mall officials say they only toss folks wearing clothes "likely to provoke a disturbance", so far it seems to only be black kids wearing white T-shirts or sideways baseball hats.

Bush Conspiracy Generator

Here is part two of Why The Internet Was Invented.

Connect the Dots, er Arrows

The new absentee ballots for Palm Beach Florida are being called even more confusing than the infamous "butterfly" ballot of 2000. The new design features a "connect the arrows" way of choosing who you want. Yea, that'll clear things up. The best part? Requests for absentee ballots are up 300 percent over 2000 because voters aren't confident of the electronic voting machines being readied for the fall election.

The Army's Voter Registration Technique

According to the Wall Street Journal, the response to an inquiry about "who wanted to vote this November" was so poor (only one solider raised his hand) that a special muster was called the next morning, where it was suggested that the soldiers were "anti-American" if they didn't register to vote. Needless to say, the registration tables were filled soon afterwards.

Better Than Cheetos!

Seems Britney has been practicing for her upcoming (today?!?) wedding.

A Bear After My Own Heart

A Black Bear at a Washington state resort, broke into some campers' coolers and drank 36 beers before passing out (it usually takes me only 20 or so). An employee noted that "He drank the Rainier and wouldn't drink the Busch beer". When wildlife agent tried to catch him, the Bear climbed a tree and slept off another 4 hours. They finally lured him down with dounuts, honey, and 2 open cans of Rainier.

Start Gawking

I've always loved how New Yorkers come out to L.A. and then give the place a bad rep because they've dragged all their baggage with them. Well, I'm glad to find that we've started doing it right back at them. Good luck Jessica, and nice rack!

Build a Better Bush

It was for things like this that the Internet was built.

The Olympi©s Ban Pepsi!!

It's no secret that atheletes at the Olympics will be required to promote certain brands during the upcoming games. But according to this story, spectators at the 2004 games may now be refused admission to events if they are carrying food or drinks made by rivals of sponsors to the games. That's right, if you wear a T-Shirt with a Nike swoosh, you might be asked to wear it inside-out, so the logo doesn't show. If you drink Pespi, you'd better finish it before to get to the entrance gate. "We have to protect official sponsors" says one unidentified official.

NYC Authorities Confiscating Books!?!

According to this live journal entry, it seems that New York authorities are not only searching the bags of people traveling on public transportation, but they are also attempting to confiscate books they don't approve of! We're not talking terror manuals or anything like that. According to the above post, the officer tried to confiscate a copy of Exalted: The Abyssals because he felt it was somehow "inappropriate". Only after the book's owner threatened to call the ACLU did the officer allow the person to board the ferry with his book.

Next time, try haiku

A Japanese man flying into Ohio was reading a U.S. newspaper and came across the words "suicide bomb" and, not knowing what the term meant, wrote it down so he could look it up later. Oops! A fellow passenger spotted his writing, alerted an attendant and the 60 year old man was taken into custody after the flight returned to O'Hare International, where he was later released without charge. "We caution people not to write about bombs" says TSA spokeswoman Andrea McCauley. Always good advice when traveling.