D.C. Cops Bust Candy Bar Chewer

Stephanie Willett was held in police custody for three hours because she kept chewing a candy bar (instead of swallowing it or spitting it out) after entering a subway station in Washington D.C. According to the AP news story, she was warned to finish the candy bar before entering the station. She nodded to the officer who warned her, popped the last bit into her mouth, threw the wrapper into a trash can, and they proceeded into the station to catch her train. The transit officer then followed her into the station and arrested her. Quote of the day: "If she had stopped eating, it would have been the end of it" -Transit Police Chief Polly Hanson

God's Own Pie Wagon

Ann Coulter calls Democrats the Spawn of Satan in the first sentence of her famously cut commentary and then goes on to complain about Gore's "Brown Shirts" remark a few weeks ago. Isn't she cute? Yes she is.

One Small Step

Today, on the 35th anniversary of the first Apollo Moon Landing, the House subcommittee which funds space exploration cut more than a billion dollars from NASA's funding for 2005, thus throwing the future of several programs into question.

Keeping Freedom Penned Up

Finding that the pens used by New York Police to control crowds have caused "irreparable harm" to the demonstrators' First Amendment rights in the past, federal judge Robert W. Sweet ruled that protestors must be able to freely move in and out of these containment areas. He also barred general searches of protesters' bags by police unless they receive information of a specific security threat. This after a previous demonstration where police were ordered to search the bags of all demonstrators and bar anyone who refused to allow a search.

Gathering Areas: A Good Thing

So much love does the staff at Martha Stewart Omnimedia have for their leader that they are setting up official Gathering Areas (includes breakfast!) in various MSO offices for staffers and "other colleagues" to witness the event which will be Her sentencing. Bonus points if you can guess what they're serving for grub. No word on whether they're selling tickets to offset legal fees.

Sanctimonious Senator Santorum

I'm seriously thinking about setting up a web site devoted to the inane proclamations made by Republican Senator Rick Santorum, but alas, I was beat to it. As the leader of the fight to modify the U.S. Constitution so marriage is defined as between a man and a woman (I wonder how these beauties would fit in), the good Senator has unleashed some doozies recently. More than anything, they show how little faith he has in our country. Maybe he'll move to some theocracy somewhere and let us live out our lives away from such religious sycophants.

"I would argue that the future of our country hangs in the balance because the future of marriage hangs in the balance" - 7/14/2004

"Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?" - 7/14/2004

"Will heterosexuals continue to, you know, copulate, to have sex? Sure, but will they build families?" - 7/13/2004 (audio)

"I have no problem with homosexuality. I have a problem with homosexual acts." - 4/22/2003

"And if the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything." - 4/22/2003

U.S. Taxpayers Must Pay Drunk Killer Congressman's Civil Judgement

U.S. Magistrate Arthur Boylan has ruled that Former Congressman Bill Janklow was "on duty" last year when he killed a motorcyclist while driving drunk (he also left the scene and later denied being involved in the accident). This ruling, if allowed to stand, means that U.S. Taxpayers are liable for any civil damages which might be awarded to the family of the dead man. Janklow, who resigned from Congress in January, was convicted of second-degree manslaughter, speeding, running a stop sign, and reckless driving. For this he spent 100 days in jail.

First, Do No Harm

Keith Emerich is a 44 year old who says he's had a clean driving record for more than 20 years. While visting a hospital last February for an irregular heartbeat, Mr. Emerich mentioned that he drank a six-pack a day of beer, admitting that it wasn't great for his health. A couple of months later Mr. Emerich was notified that his driver's licence was being revoked for medical reasons related to substance abuse. It seems (under a state law requiring doctors to report any physical or mental impairments that could compromise a patient's ability to drive safely) a physician decided Mr. Emerich wasn't fit to drive. Pointing out that "What I do in the privacy of my own home is none of PennDOT's business", Mr. Emerich is fighting the revocation. So much for privacy between doctor and patient.

Cuz nothing says HOT like a lifetime appointment

Despite the lack of swimsuit photos, Under the Robes is launching its Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary contest. As of this writing, there's still two days of voting left. So, check your subpoena and vote for the judge you'd most like to see in camera.

Maybe it was the pomegranate juice

Okay, so the "gynecological medical condition" that kept Courtney out of court on her birthday may or may not have been a (perhaps) self-induced abortion by the (possibly) pregnant and (almost certainly) wasted Ms. Love. Just to be safe, it is being reported that the hospital she was taken to was no less than the lovely Bellevue facility. Good luck to her.

Female Trouble

Courtney Love missed yet another appointment with the court. This time the judge was in L.A., while Ms. Love was reportedly in a hospital in New York for treatment of a "gynecological medical condition". Live through this? Indeed, I hope she does.

Rag vs. Rag

Ed Needham, the managing editor of Rolling Stone is leaving to become editor at Maxim. Yawn. I can't wait for my Maxim subscription to run out later this year (I gave up on RS years ago).

Bris-O-Matic

I'm not getting any closer to the SmartKlamp than this mention of it over at Gizmodo. Do you think the interrogators at Guantanamo know about this thing?

Muchies by Moonlight

The latest Journal of Ethnopharmacology is publishing the findings of a case study by researchers in The US, Spain and Morocco which shows that cannabis may improve night vision. I guess it's time to head back to the lab for some peer review...

Gephardt Named NY Post Editor

Well maybe not, but I just love the story of how the Daily News sent a case of champagne to Post with the note "Congratulations on your front page. Have a nice day,"

Do you think he likes Ice Cream Cake?

Happy birthday your holiness. May you have 8000 more.

Secretary of Fabulous

Colin Powell donned a construction worker outfit and performed YMCA, the Village People song during the after-dinner show of the ASEAN Regional Forum in Indonesia. This rendition included fun quips about being "between a rock and a hard place". Oh, keep the war jokes coming guys! I can hardly stop laughing.

Kill the Messenger

Alleged perv Jack Ryan thinks it's all the media's fault that he can't run for office. Mebbe Mr. Ryan should talk to Mr. Clinton about that.

Coersive Kisses Aren't a Crime

Steven Allen Moyer, a computer repairman in Idaho, was aquitted of battery for cornering a female customer in her own home and kissing her twice, asking if "she wanted a boyfriend for 15 minutes". God, I wish I knew the reasoning behind the jury's decision. Questions are spinning through my head:

"If she was married, would it have been legal?"
"If he had groped her breast or crotch, would have been legal?"
"If she has smacked him in the face and broke his nose, would she be guilty of battery?"

I mean, at what point, especially in a business transaction (after all, they weren't on a date), does unwanted sexual contact become battery? From what I gather, this wasn't a continental peck on the cheek or back of the hand. Without knowing all the facts, this seems a very disturbing ruling.

I miss him already

Jack Valenti is stepping down. There's no truth to the rumor that Michael Moore will be his replacement.